In fourteen days, we are moving to the suburbs. Marie and I are up to our eyes in emergencies. We are presently packing up our house. So I’m doing something a little different this week. I want your advice. Seriously. We are ten weeks away from having a very demanding new human in our arms, and despite the reams of pages we’ve read, we still feel unprepared. So to all of you veteran parents out there, please offer us advice in the comments section below. Practical or otherwise. Any advice for a third trimester mom-to-be. Any advice for a first time birthing coach. Anything that surprised you about becoming a parent. Anything you didn’t expect. Any item you found yourself relying upon. Anything you wished someone had told you. Calling all parents!!! We’d greatly appreciate any hints, tips or wisdom acquired by making mistakes regarding the third trimester, childbirth or the first few weeks of infancy.
First things first: try to become at peace with the fact that you feel unprepared. It sounds like you’ve done a good amount of reading and research which is great, but in truth no-one is ever fully prepared to become a first time parent, and that’s totally normal!
Having only experienced the third trimester from a dads perspective, I’d say that rest is the number one priority.
Not sure what kind of birth plan you have in mind, but be prepared for it to change on a dime. Don’t get too married to a particular type of birth—you don’t get any extra prize for doing it without pain relief or medical intervention.
As a birth partner, learn how to tie back your partner’s hair; my wife still talks about my inability to do it when she really needed it! Read up on counter-pressure massage to help manage her first-stage contractions—I’m really bad at massages generally but even my wife says that these really helped her with the birth of our second. Get an app that times the length and distance between contractions; this will tell you when it’s time to get to hospital (if that’s where you plan on going). Know your birth plan like the back of your hand, but have a code word with your partner in case they wish to deviate in any way. Some things can get said in the heat of the moment, so having a code word helps to know that they really want to change plans.
In terms of the early days of parenthood, stay off social media. The comparison trap is a massive pitfall of the new parent, and social media is where it lives. Embrace the chaos; the sooner you’re able to find peace in the fact that your life has changed forever, the easier the transition will be. I tried to cling on to facets of my previous “life”, and it drove me nuts.
Sorry for the word vomit but hope there’s something useful for you in there—all the best to you both in these last few weeks!
I’m an old OB nurse and a mom and Grand Mom. All great advice from all other folks btw.
When the birth is over and mom feels terrible and emotional the partner and grandparents need to reinforce the “whatever you want to do” policy. Partner needs to shield other people who say “I did this..” Thats destructive even though it’s well meaning.
I always told my new moms, if the baby is eating well/that’s great!
If feeding (mainly nursing) is not going well, then don’t feel bad if you need to switch to a bottle exclusively. Partner—back her up on this!!! If you are going to pump and feed with a bottle just know that it often takes a lot of time and effort to pump enough (and it hurts).
Sometimes it’s easier to find out if there’s a breast milk bank at your hospital or go with Enfamil Gentleease. (Purple can)
Mom-give yourself permission to feel emotional. Very normal but you won’t like feeling weak. Let someone else make decisions for you for a few days.
Both: let people help you!! Laundry, cleaning, food prep and food delivery.
Let grandparents see baby but when you need them to go just ask. They get it.
I’ll be delivering in a few weeks and hopefully going all natural. I can report back then. But I did buy a birthing pool to labor in at home before going to the hospital. Water is a great pain management technique. I also bought a birthing sling (Instagram: the.birth.sling) and see if your hospital offers nitric oxide (spelling?).
It seems overwhelming, but it’s not that hard. You need mom, diapers, warm clothes, a place for the baby to sleep, and not much else. At least for the first month or two. You’ll figure it out and you’ll be fine. Chin up and enjoy the time because it’s over far too fast.
First things first: try to become at peace with the fact that you feel unprepared. It sounds like you’ve done a good amount of reading and research which is great, but in truth no-one is ever fully prepared to become a first time parent, and that’s totally normal!
Having only experienced the third trimester from a dads perspective, I’d say that rest is the number one priority.
Not sure what kind of birth plan you have in mind, but be prepared for it to change on a dime. Don’t get too married to a particular type of birth—you don’t get any extra prize for doing it without pain relief or medical intervention.
As a birth partner, learn how to tie back your partner’s hair; my wife still talks about my inability to do it when she really needed it! Read up on counter-pressure massage to help manage her first-stage contractions—I’m really bad at massages generally but even my wife says that these really helped her with the birth of our second. Get an app that times the length and distance between contractions; this will tell you when it’s time to get to hospital (if that’s where you plan on going). Know your birth plan like the back of your hand, but have a code word with your partner in case they wish to deviate in any way. Some things can get said in the heat of the moment, so having a code word helps to know that they really want to change plans.
In terms of the early days of parenthood, stay off social media. The comparison trap is a massive pitfall of the new parent, and social media is where it lives. Embrace the chaos; the sooner you’re able to find peace in the fact that your life has changed forever, the easier the transition will be. I tried to cling on to facets of my previous “life”, and it drove me nuts.
Sorry for the word vomit but hope there’s something useful for you in there—all the best to you both in these last few weeks!
I’m an old OB nurse and a mom and Grand Mom. All great advice from all other folks btw.
When the birth is over and mom feels terrible and emotional the partner and grandparents need to reinforce the “whatever you want to do” policy. Partner needs to shield other people who say “I did this..” Thats destructive even though it’s well meaning.
I always told my new moms, if the baby is eating well/that’s great!
If feeding (mainly nursing) is not going well, then don’t feel bad if you need to switch to a bottle exclusively. Partner—back her up on this!!! If you are going to pump and feed with a bottle just know that it often takes a lot of time and effort to pump enough (and it hurts).
Sometimes it’s easier to find out if there’s a breast milk bank at your hospital or go with Enfamil Gentleease. (Purple can)
Mom-give yourself permission to feel emotional. Very normal but you won’t like feeling weak. Let someone else make decisions for you for a few days.
Both: let people help you!! Laundry, cleaning, food prep and food delivery.
Let grandparents see baby but when you need them to go just ask. They get it.
Give them jobs! (Groceries, walk dog, etc).
God Bless you both! I’ve so enjoyed your blog. JK
1. Rest, rest, rest. Now before the baby comes. I know you’re moving but let your man do all the lifting.
2. Nap when the baby naps during the first month or so, it will be easier adjusting to it’s schedule.
3. As a coach, don’t talk too much and don’t take it personally when she calls you names.
I’ll be delivering in a few weeks and hopefully going all natural. I can report back then. But I did buy a birthing pool to labor in at home before going to the hospital. Water is a great pain management technique. I also bought a birthing sling (Instagram: the.birth.sling) and see if your hospital offers nitric oxide (spelling?).
It seems overwhelming, but it’s not that hard. You need mom, diapers, warm clothes, a place for the baby to sleep, and not much else. At least for the first month or two. You’ll figure it out and you’ll be fine. Chin up and enjoy the time because it’s over far too fast.